can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
