I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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