She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
