ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
