I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
