evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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