I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
