Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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