Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
