Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
