i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
