the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
