I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
