Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
