Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
