I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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