i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
