dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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