i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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