Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
