PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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