I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
