I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
