There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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