peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
