when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
