is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
