Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
