I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
