dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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