it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
