I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
