out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
