I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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