My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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