dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
