I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
