My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
