Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
3 2 1 whiskey
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
