i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
