hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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