I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
