I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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