Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
