SEEEEXXX PLEASE
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
