I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
