I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
