So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
