The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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