had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
