I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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