sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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