well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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