Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
