Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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