if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
