I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
